the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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