how can u be prego again
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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