You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
mondays should just be called national damage control day
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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