I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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