Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
