i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Are we still banned from the library?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
