Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
