which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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