we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Randomize
