Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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