So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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