okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
