Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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