Ambien. No doubt about it.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
