I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
