That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
