I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
