Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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