Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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