That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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