before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
this just has baby written all over it
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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