This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
