He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Is it because I queefed?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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