even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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