Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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