is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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