I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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