I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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