can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
