The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
