I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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