yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
