Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(407): View more from Florida

If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone

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(914): View more from New York

Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.

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(813): View more from Florida

I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.

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(817): View more from Texas

I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.

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(248): View more from Michigan

Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.

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(870): View more from Arkansas

I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body

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(808): View more from Hawaii

Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.

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