Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
