after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
