I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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