So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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