I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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