so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
