clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
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