so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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