If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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