As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
