She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
