You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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