We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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