she woke up with a sticky ear
I just gift wrapped bread.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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