what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Randomize
