so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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