Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
