He had one of those small greek statue penises
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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