If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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