just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize