plz talk dirty to me
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize