K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
