the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
His nipple licking is glorious
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