Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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