Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
ugly people sure do ruin things
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
