i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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