Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
