he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize