I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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