Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
