so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize