I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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