Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
