I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Liz is crying about burritos again.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
