everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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