Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
