and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
