So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
