Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize