All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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