Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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