everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
