he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
