This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
