he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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