dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
