Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
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