i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
