so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize