my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize