How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
