I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Operation Purity has been aborted
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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