Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
