Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
