This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
