Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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