so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
