Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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