What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
