Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
