Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
