My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
