He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Are we still banned from the library?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
we're so committed to being not committed
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
