I wish they made helmets for livers.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize