Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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