he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize