I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Barsexuality is the new black.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
