just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
