Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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