We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
