I only kidnapped one of them. chill
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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