Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
