When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I am available for nakedness
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
