i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
