No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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