Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
