I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
