This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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