It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
