I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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