so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
