Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
