I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
