So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
